


lesbians: the theory and the practice

by starfishing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Voyeurism, Xenobiology, accidental ejaculation, tentabulge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:40:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfishing/pseuds/starfishing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dave learns about lesbians. also aliens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lesbians: the theory and the practice

The first time you walk in on them, it's mostly an accident, and almost exactly what you expected.

Kanaya lies on the couch, her skirt up around her hips and her shirt bunched over her collarbone. Her arms drape over her chest, but not in that shy way that girls do in movies when they think their boyfriend's going to make fun of their rack or something, like it's not the first one he's ever seen. Like any guy would complain about tits. They're just resting there, like maybe she's got nothing better to do with them.

Between Kanaya's knees is a fully-clothed Rose, one hand on a snow-white thigh and the other reaching for her vag. The object of her attentions looks basically like you think a vag ought to, if maybe a little puffier. There's not a hair in sight. You knew Bro was lying when he said only porn actresses had twats like that.

The only thing that catches you by surprise is that Kanaya has no nipples. Weird, but it doesn't seem to trouble Strider Jr. at all, so you're willing to let it pass. Her tits are cute otherwise, if a little small for your extravagant tastes.

Of course, you don't get much more of a look than that, because Rose, without looking up, suddenly declares that you have two seconds to leave or she's putting your eyes out and you'll never see another pair of breasts. You believe her, but you take your time strolling out, anyway. When you glance over your shoulder for one last look, you see her watching you, and you think (no, you're pretty sure) you see her lips curve in a smile.

You don't know what that means.

 

The second time you walk in on them, it's on purpose, and it's absolutely exactly what you expected.

Rose is sitting upright on the couch, her leggings mysteriously vanished and her legs spread. With Kanaya kneeling between them, you can't see anything, and to your dismay, you feel a pang of disappointment. All those sniping firefights of conversations you've had about how completely disinterested you are in her black hole of a pussy are now totally invalidated. Add to that the fact that her breasts are still covered, and the whole thing is a major letdown, really. Still, you stand and watch. You can't even see what they're doing, but Rose's entire focus is on the hot alien vampire chick between her legs, and who can blame her? You wouldn't take your eyes off Bitey McFangsalot if she were that close to your junk, either.

When Rose finally looks up, she locks eyes with you, and you know (your cock knows, with enough vehemence to make your whole body tense) she's known you were there. For how long is anyone's guess, but she's been letting you watch. And judging from the slant of her mouth, she's done being generous.

You don't stick around to find out whether she's weaponized her sylladex.

 

The third time you walk in on them, it's a legitimate accident, and it's in no way whatsoever what you expected.

Kanaya stands in front of the couch, her skirt lifted to waist-level, and Rose sits before her, both hands occupied with a real live fucking tentacle, you swear to God. It's green, long and glistening, with backward-raked spikes coming off every side of it. They must not hurt, because the whole thing is wrapped around one of Rose's wrists, prehensile as fuck, leaving slick trails of oh God what is that in its wake. Rose's other hand is massaging what you mistakenly thought was a good old-fashioned snooch but turned out to be the digs of the world's most alarming alien genitalia made especially for your creepy fucking sister.

She looks enamored, too, watching with fascination as even more of it emerges from its lair, swelling at the base. You realize with horror that Kanaya's isn't the only thing growing. Your cock is straining at the front of your embarrassingly thin godtier pants. These things completely suck at containing untimely boners, and it's only a matter of very little hot lesbian action before Strider Jr.'s going to be poking his head out to say hey.

You become promptly convinced that Rose has perfected the art of one-man Inception, and her first act as your personal dream Jesus was to plant 'tentacles are hot' in the depths of your brain.

Rose makes a surprised little sound, and you see a thick string of that translucent green ooze creeping down her arm. Kanaya looks sweetly embarrassed, bringing you even more dangerously close to staining these pants. You shove your hands in your pockets and will yourself not to do anything completely humiliating. In fact, you should probably leave, but your feet are in league with your dick and they've formed an anti-getting-the-hell-out-of-here coalition. You can't compete.

Especially when your sister, God bless her, bends her head to lick that shit off like it's melted ice cream. Judging by her face, Kanaya doesn't taste as sweet as she looks. You'd think it was funny if you weren't so close to embarrassing yourself. You double over, digging your fingers into your thighs through your pocket linings. Your eyes join the coalition, making it pretty much fucking impossible for you to look at anything but your sister's mouth and her alien girlfriend's massive slimedong.

Which, by the way, totally puts you to shame, even at full mast, like now. You should be mortified, but you're mostly just desperately turned on and grateful that your shirt is long enough to cover the head of your hard-on where it's poking out the hem of your pants.

Disentangling her hand from a reluctant Kanaya, Rose reaches underneath it and you guess there's a snatch there after all, because she puts her fingers right up in there. Kanaya gasps, and her slime-covered tentacock writhes in the air, jettisoning another squirt of thick fluid. It lands on Rose's elbow. She wipes it absently on her leg. The second one lands on her shirt, just before the oozing, thrashing deathschlong lashes around her wrist again. Now it's Rose's turn to gasp.

Kanaya says something, shaky and low, and Rose's answer is equally indistinguishable, but you've seen enough porn to know what it was.

'Where do you want it?'

'Wherever you like it.'

Okay, maybe not, but the next thing that happens definitely supports your theory. Rose moves her other hand to rub along the dickfeeler's spines, and almost immediately, it freaks its shit, pulsing visibly and totally coating Rose's hand and wrist in viscous girljuice. Kanaya grabs hold of Rose's shoulders with both hands, doubling over just like you are. The sounds she makes have you grabbing your cock through your pocket, squeezing hard.

It's not enough. You can feel your balls tighten and you yank your free hand out of your pocket to cover your mouth while you completely humiliate yourself. You can't silence how hard you end up panting, though. When you look up again, it's just in time to see Kanaya's waning deep-sea-nightmare boner disappear back into its folds. Kanaya drops her skirts, and that's when you realize something is terribly, horribly fucking wrong.

Rose is nowhere to be seen.

Yanking your other hand from your pocket, you arm yourself in a flash, but a second later, you drop the sword and yelp like a huge fucking girl. Rose's arm locks around your neck (you don't know how, you're at least half a foot taller than her now) and her hand, still dripping slowly with a generous coat of love mucous, hovers an inch from your face.

The last thing she says before she puts it in your mouth is, "If you wanted some, brothermine, you should have just said so."

You're really not sure what that face was about, though. You think it tastes pretty good, for alien jizz.


End file.
